Moments of Inspiration

June 18, 2020

Moments of Inspiration (orig. published 5.7.11)

I read this on facebook tonight: "For all the moms who had to wait longer to hear a first word, who spent more time in doctors offices with their child than on play dates, who endure the countless 'bad days' and the stares from other people... For the moms whose child's first friend was their therapist... For the moms who face special needs every day... Happy Mothers Day!"

And it brought me to tears.

Because it's true. It's all true. And my child's first friend was his therapist. And she was wonderful. And it was normal to me. Until I read it in a sentence. It shouldn't be this way, his first friend should have been someone his age. It's not fair I think. My Colson can't run around. He can't feed himself. He can't get himself dressed. He can't play on the playground equipment with his sister. It's just not fair. What a cruel disability to inflict on a child. Deprive them of the ability to be a child.

And then I'm angry.

I'm angry at life for doing this to my child. He doesn't deserve this. He's had more surgeries than he is old. He has more scars than his dad and I combined! He has a heart of gold and an imagination like no other. He could be such a child if his disability wasn't holding him back. Can he sing head, shoulders, knees and toes? Yes. Can he touch his head, shoulders, knees and toes while he sings? No. And it breaks my heart.

And then I reflect.

Because anger will get you no where.

And then I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for all the things he CAN do. I'm thankful for how amazingly intelligent he is. I'm thankful for his gentle soul. I'm thankful for his love and his kindness and his laughter. I'm thankful for his therapists, his teachers, and his new friends! And I remember that he CAN do many things. He can do practically anything! He just does it a different way. I remember that it's not a disability. It's a diff-ability. Can he run around outside with his sister? No. Can he beat her every time in a race because his wheelchair is faster than her legs? YES! Can he touch his head, shoulders, knees and toes while he sings? No. Can he nod his head, shrug his shoulders, point to his knees and wiggle his toes while he sings? YES! My Colson can do most things we do, he just does them in a different way.

And I'm grateful.

Because he is the most amazing little boy I know. And he's all mine.

And I feel lucky.

My child gives me moments of inspiration that will never go away.

And I feel blessed.

Life's not fair sometimes. It's just a fact. Always remember to look at the positives of every situation and never take away someones moments of anything, for it might be all they have left. Take inspiration from my tiny child and look at things differently once in awhile. You might find that you CAN, in fact, do something you never thought you could. Amazing the lessons I continue to learn from someone so tiny.

Much love.

-J-